Today I spotted another grey hair, and I couldn't help but think, wow, I'm getting old.
But the strange thing is… I didn't actually feel bad about it. Not at first.
I didn't associate being old with anything negative. It only started to feel that way when I mentioned it to my colleagues. Not that they treated me badly. Everyone reacted so kindly, trying to cheer me up. Their comments only came from a good place.
Some said, "No, you don't!" Some said they didn't even notice it. Others started sharing facts like how plucking grey hair doesn't actually make more grow (which, apparently, is a myth). And a few said, "If it bothers you, you can always colour it."
Somehow, all those kind words and normal conversation had the opposite effect on me. All those remarks made me feel like — oh, I am indeed old, and that's a thing that needs to be fixed.
Later, when I looked back on that conversation, trying to understand why I felt bad afterwards even though it was just a normal exchange, I realised the reason my feelings shifted. It was because I didn't hear what I really wanted to hear.
I think what I wanted (without even knowing it at the time) was something simpler than a cheer-up. Something like: "Embrace it. It doesn't matter. Just be who you are."
I guess that's the thing. I didn't know I wanted to hear that until I didn't hear it. The absence of a thing suddenly made the thing clearer… does that make any sense?
Like a lot of other millennials, I just wanted a bit of reassurance. To assure that my feeling in this case is to accept who I am at this age, was valid.
It's funny that a grey hair made me start writing a journal about this.
I was completely neutral about it, maybe even thoughtful about it in a positive way, until I saw it reflected back at me as something different from what I believed it to be.
The thing is, I feel positively about ageing. That's probably because the perception of ageing is culturally shaped. Where I grew up, ageing is associated with wisdom. People tend to feel more positive about getting older. But where I live and work, age is often seen through the lens of the "subjective age" effect — the idea that people who feel younger than their actual age tend to be happier, healthier, and even live longer. And that's why getting older can feel like a minor setback from that perspective.
Where I grew up and where I live now may have very different perspectives, and both influence how I feel.
Though I still truly believe that ageing is something to celebrate. The more time passes, the more I understand myself. The more I can look back and see how far I've come. It makes me pause, set new goals, review what I've done, and think about where I want to go next.
These little moments, like noticing a grey hair, become quiet reminders. Not of losing my younger self but of time. And how precious it actually is.
Moments like this make me want to use my time better. More intentionally. To become who I want to be. Because at the end of the day, I want to live fully and with fewer regrets.
The reason I keep this journal is to remind myself that no matter how others feel about me, it's not a fact and doesn't always define who I am.
And just a small reminder for me, and for anyone who feels the same:
Age like wine. The longer you're here in this world, the more you get to experience it. So use your time wisely.
