A Girl from an Exotic Place

Tonight, the moon hides behind clouds, leaving Bangkok's high-rise skyline aglow under rows of streetlights. There is a girl, not much of a girl anymore from her appearance, but her bright and shining soul still definitely belongs to a girl. She walks along the bustling street, observing the lively scene of department stores and the intersecting sky trains.

Many people from various parts of the world view the city of Bangkok as exotic. The girl hates this label; it evokes a sense of being part of a spectacle like in a zoo for others to observe. While people might have a different opinion, for her, the word does have a sinister meaning to it. Perhaps it's because this is the place where she grew up—familiar and comforting—but hearing others describe her homeland as exotic bothers her, suggesting that the place she considers normal is, in fact, viewed otherwise.

The underlying cause could be her desire to fit into the so-called 'normality' of the first-world country where she currently lives. The fact that she comes from this exotic country only emphasises in her heart that she is indeed an outsider in her current environment. What she fails to realise is that many within this realm of first-world normality desire to escape, to feel exotic, to be different. The grass is indeed always greener on the other side.

The girl has flown for more than eleven hours from another continent to spend three weeks of her holiday here. She wishes to spend this time with her family and childhood friends, filling the voids that have become larger over the years due to the lack of their encounters. She longs to reconnect with the familiarity and friendships she has struggled to maintain over long distances. Yet whenever they meet, it feels as if no time has passed.

Observing the scene in front of her, she reminisces about the times and places in the country where she once lived, pondering how her life might have been if she had chosen to stay. For ten years, she has been living outside this familiar country of hers. Standing here in the heart of Bangkok, it feels both familiar and alien at the same time.

She doesn't know exactly why she is feeling sad—sad to witness the differences between where she currently lives and where she used to. It's not that her life is miserable; she is happily married and secured a well-paying job in a wealthier country, doing work that interests her. Yet she is sad because being here in Bangkok emphasises the differences—the ridiculously huge gap between people in Thailand.

It pains her to see an old beggar lady who clearly looks like she hasn't eaten much, sitting in front of a shopping mall that showcases luxury handbags costing as much as a house in this part of the world. It reminds her of the frustration she once felt in a society that judged people based on wealth and appearance. More often than that, opportunities are granted through connections and favours rather than morality and genuine ability. And corruption—so much corruption—pervades this country. None of this is new, but the fact that it hasn't changed in a decade truly saddens her.

Nevertheless, she is amazed to find that in this very same country, the kindness she has encountered surpasses that of many developed corners of the world. Not only kindness, but also happiness. How can Thai people remain so laid-back and content when they possess so little? This resilience of her people fascinates her. Knowing this brings warmth to her heart. For a while now, she has yearned to return to the place where her journey began ten years ago.

A decade ago, she had just graduated and was newly employed in a corporate job doing work that she couldn't care less about. She decided that this would not be her life. She believed her life could become something more. Back then, she felt trapped and longed to be free, not realising that ten years later, she would hope to return to this very place—but not as the same girl she once was.

She's grateful she left; it was the right decision, and she would choose it over and over again. Returning, on the other hand, would be a new chapter for her—a new beginning.

"Why only hope and not take action?" one might ask.

The answer is that a girl has grown up and taken on more responsibilities. Although she wishes to discard her responsibilities and live the way she wants, she fears she might regret such a change. After all, what she has is good and dreamed by many. There is so much here that she has to let go of to begin anew.

That day will come when she can live as she pleases, be fulfilled by her work and live close to those she loves. But until then, she has work to do and plans to make. She hopes planning will make the unknown less scary. The unknown can be exciting when one is a tourist exploring new destinations, but it is decidedly different when such decisions could alter one's life and impact those one loves.

At least now, she knows what to do. She has invited you to glimpse into her life. You don't have to know her name, but it carries a meaning: a smiley face.

She hopes you discover more than just a smile here—a different perception of life, hopefully some inspiration, perhaps even friendship.